Courage from a Fearless Leader

How do we find the courage? How do you see a fearless leader? What are the obstacles between you and your happiness? Have you ever felt completely displaced? Have you ever wondered if this is the way other people feel or think? Have you ever told yourself that maybe this is it and I must have some abnormal expectations in life?

I hope I reach people when I say that it was not courage that brought me here, rather it was the instinct to survive. I guess the brief novel & film version of my life is quite romantic with embellished tales of courage & victory against the odds. Maybe I would wear lovely gowns and heels too. Well, here is how I see it.

I am one determined/ stubborn girl with a burning desire for the 'joie de vivre', who works so damn hard at everything! I do achieve success and victory. I do go after what I want! However, it was not at all a story of courage. It was not a romantic notion, to leave one career and follow a dream while backpacking across Europe. I literally broke down physically, emotionally, spiritually & mentally. I have everything to live for, but could not function from day to day at my profession of 16 years. I could not power through the difficult parts anymore. I just could not do it. I really couldn't believe it myself and thought, could I just get through this year before finding a new career. My decisions would impact my little family exponentially. It would impact my financial security and independence, exponentially.

So why couldn't I just suck it up and carry on? I could run my fitness dreams part-time as always and teach it in school too as always.

Depression is a serious, debilitating illness. You cannot suck it up and push through easily. It is so difficult to understand how serious depression is and how to have happy, healthy lives. I did not understand. Remember the determined/ stubborn part of my personality? Well it truly has saved me most of my life. I have experienced episodes of depression and anxiety for as long as I can remember. I believe I thought what I experienced must be the way life is. Maybe this is it and I am just abnormal and I must want abnormal things. I wanted so badly to be a great mom and enjoy my family that accepting all the downs was just not right or healthy or normal.

More to come......So I have to find the way through the dark times and lean on my true friends and family who know the whole me, who can give me a hug and say, we'll make it, you're strong and you can ask for help.

I will share some of my favorite battle strategies:

:) Wear fun colours

:) Be aware of your triggers

:) Workout!

:) Look for hugs from a loved one who knows

:) Remember that it does not define YOU

:) Go outside!

:) Eat well, sleep well

:) Surround yourself with positive energy

:) Change negative thought patterns

:) Breathe deep and stand tall

:) Find out what YOU want
:) Dance from the inside out
:) List what you appreciate
:) List your fortés

This is a practice to get you what you want. By this I mean where you want to be of course, not the material things in life. I know that for me, I've made serious changes in my life when I had nothing left to lose, when the comfort zone was no longer comfortable. Change comes from within when we can't ignore the crap anymore.

Hug your lovers, babies, kitties, puppies & friends and take time to tell them what you love in them.

Until next time....

Cindy

Truth, Confidence & Passion

The truth is hard to find

I am truly amazed at how each little piece of truth unveils itself when we are open to it. I'll tell you pieces of my story that become me over time.

I have learned that confidence is the way to truth and truth is the way to confidence. I see obstacles to finding both when I follow, go along with people, try to fit in and do what is expected. The obvious question is why bother to do all that? The answer is not so clear. How do we know when we are doing it? Think about it...if you have spent a life time trying to fit in, wouldn't you always feel displaced, crappy & vulnerable? And then how would you know how to stop it, to re-program every cell in your entire body to respond differently than you always have? And how would you feel confidence when your accomplishments are not truly yours?

By the way, this is not a 6 week program! Just so you know.

I have never felt happier and more comfortable in my own skin than I do today. I do not hide all of what makes me, me, not anymore. I like wearing neon and dancing to the beat of my own drum everyday. Every single time I do what my heart tells me to do, I gain confidence and learn the truth that has been in there all along, ever since I was a toddler singing and performing on my kiddie dining set.

Many times I cry for the little girl who missed so many years learning everything the hard way. Other times I cry for everything I have today and the formidable feeling of finding what I want in life. Most of these are tears of joy to have gotten this far.

So I say: Cindy, what do you want? My first answer almost always includes what everyone else needs around me. Then I say: Cindy, think about it. What do YOU really want? Then I try to weed it out and many times drive my hubby crazy with too many verbal thoughts:) Then when I am brave enough to make a decision, I figure it out. Lots of times it's oops, I should've been more honest with myself and others. I'm learning.

I have definitely simplified a major life-changing process that I am going though here. If you know the depth of truth and you understand making decisions that will affect everyone around you after a life-time of pleasing people, then you know the emotional, mental, spiritual and physical toils of my journey.

I believe it started when I finally completed my Masters in Education. I swore to then make a list of all the fun classes I would like to do. There was born, a dancer. The expression of dance, the escape, the release, the creativity, the feeling, the confidence; it all started to revive the wild, wonderful dreams of childhood fantasy. 

Flashback
Once upon a time there was a little girl who loved to dance, but she was a bit chunky and she had flat feet. She couldn't dance very well compared to the others and would never be really good at it, so she gave up ....................... until NOW! 

Find Your PASSION  & OWN IT

Until next time,

Cindy