Courage from a Fearless Leader

How do we find the courage? How do you see a fearless leader? What are the obstacles between you and your happiness? Have you ever felt completely displaced? Have you ever wondered if this is the way other people feel or think? Have you ever told yourself that maybe this is it and I must have some abnormal expectations in life?

I hope I reach people when I say that it was not courage that brought me here, rather it was the instinct to survive. I guess the brief novel & film version of my life is quite romantic with embellished tales of courage & victory against the odds. Maybe I would wear lovely gowns and heels too. Well, here is how I see it.

I am one determined/ stubborn girl with a burning desire for the 'joie de vivre', who works so damn hard at everything! I do achieve success and victory. I do go after what I want! However, it was not at all a story of courage. It was not a romantic notion, to leave one career and follow a dream while backpacking across Europe. I literally broke down physically, emotionally, spiritually & mentally. I have everything to live for, but could not function from day to day at my profession of 16 years. I could not power through the difficult parts anymore. I just could not do it. I really couldn't believe it myself and thought, could I just get through this year before finding a new career. My decisions would impact my little family exponentially. It would impact my financial security and independence, exponentially.

So why couldn't I just suck it up and carry on? I could run my fitness dreams part-time as always and teach it in school too as always.

Depression is a serious, debilitating illness. You cannot suck it up and push through easily. It is so difficult to understand how serious depression is and how to have happy, healthy lives. I did not understand. Remember the determined/ stubborn part of my personality? Well it truly has saved me most of my life. I have experienced episodes of depression and anxiety for as long as I can remember. I believe I thought what I experienced must be the way life is. Maybe this is it and I am just abnormal and I must want abnormal things. I wanted so badly to be a great mom and enjoy my family that accepting all the downs was just not right or healthy or normal.

More to come......So I have to find the way through the dark times and lean on my true friends and family who know the whole me, who can give me a hug and say, we'll make it, you're strong and you can ask for help.

I will share some of my favorite battle strategies:

:) Wear fun colours

:) Be aware of your triggers

:) Workout!

:) Look for hugs from a loved one who knows

:) Remember that it does not define YOU

:) Go outside!

:) Eat well, sleep well

:) Surround yourself with positive energy

:) Change negative thought patterns

:) Breathe deep and stand tall

:) Find out what YOU want
:) Dance from the inside out
:) List what you appreciate
:) List your fortés

This is a practice to get you what you want. By this I mean where you want to be of course, not the material things in life. I know that for me, I've made serious changes in my life when I had nothing left to lose, when the comfort zone was no longer comfortable. Change comes from within when we can't ignore the crap anymore.

Hug your lovers, babies, kitties, puppies & friends and take time to tell them what you love in them.

Until next time....

Cindy